Dear Beloved Friends, Family and Extended Community,
Life is getting very precious and it's uncertain what's ahead for me:
whether I have just a little bit of time
or a little stretch room here.
I so appreciate all the ways that people want to be with me
and share with me and give to me
and all the ways I want to share and give back
and my energy is diminished.
All the issues that loomed so large at one point in time in my life
are losing their significance.
I don't even have the energy to process.
Imagine that!
I'm working a lot on prayers of relaxation
and feeling all the ways that I grip to life,
to self concept and self image.
The Me, Mine, My of it all.
I'm getting some fast and furious crash courses.
I've often felt ambivalent about wanting to be here in our crazy world,
perhaps even having created a death wish
and I find myself terribly humbled
to stumble on to my knees
and ask for more time, more love....
And for more forgiveness from without
and even more so from within.
with much love,
Nancy....
19 comments:
My darling Nancy - I love what you are saying. You are a model for all of us and we are all one. Such a blessing you are and always have been. We are all with you, my precious Nancy. Mom Rosejean
We are blessed to know you, dear one.
You are blessed to have lived such a precious life, able to generously give your unique gifts to so many.
You are a blessing to each of us, and to our community.
May these blessings continue to flow within, without, around, and through us all.
Lion
Oh dear Nancy,
Your words are so beautiful, and so rich with your generous heart and deep knowing.
I can only imagine that you are very well cared for by your community in CA, by so many that love you. Still, I would come in a heartbeat if there is anything that I can do... anytime. Even though our days together were short, they mean much to me and I will always cherish the gift of knowing you.
My prayers now will also be for your relaxation and peace. Many blessings and so much love to you, Laura (in Maine)
Nancy,
You've always been such a source of inspiration for me...the way you've lived and carried yourself, the way you engage with your life and your world. I suppose I've never said it directly but you've always been a source of inspiration for me...someone whose life I've looked to as a guide as I make my way through this journey. And that continues up to this very moment. All that and you gave us Seano! What more could anyone ask... :)
My thoughts and prayers and love are with you.
In Peace,
Jared.
Nancy,
I know that there are multitudes of loved ones surrounding you, all over the globe, so many lives you've touched and so many arms holding you...all with the warmest of intentions, the greatest of love. It's enough, I tell myself. The circle is whole already, full to bursting with the ones who love you best. What would one more voice add? I tell myself to leave it alone, to let be...it's not my place.
But still, I never could keep my mouth shut ;)
You are the strongest person I have ever known. Individual, absolute, dreamweaver.
What you gave me, the time and the love and the foundation for life...I treasure it all. I was not an easy child, I know that - for you to take on what you did with the grace you gave me...phenomenal.
Thank you. A thousand times for every time I didn't say it and a thousand times more for the woman that I am today. There is no knowing what path my life would have followed without you or Sean, but I know that I am better for having known you both.
I'm still wishing for this to be something other then an ending, something that the body can recover from and the heart can overcome, so I'll end with this: no matter what path you walk in the days to come, you will always be a light in this world. You have brightened it with your presence and the light you give will continue to grow like ripples in the water.
It always has,
~Monique
How deeply we're connected. I wish I could convey to you the degree to which I feel you, how strong my love is for you.
Thank you for loving me. I am blessed by your friendship.
Ride that Dragon Quan Yin Style Darlin' I'm with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lovin you like oxygen,
Cal
Nancy You are a wonderfu model for all of us, with your Grace and openness. As I look at your photos here, I feel bewildered and saddened that such beauty should be called to leave this earth so soon; what seems too soon viewed from our tiny perspective. I'm glad we got to spend a little time together last month, and would love more time too.... We relate to what you say, the uncertainty, the ambivolence about this world and then this yearning for more time Thank you for sharing so openly your insights and observations, which are an inspiration to us as we travel our own path.
May you be blessed with Peace, softness and Loving kindness,
Murray & Pamela
Dear Nancy-
You are such a gift! I am here close to you in your region of Sonoma Teaching a Permaculture Class at Westminster Woods. Maybe we can visit? I am remembering your generous gifts of love, smiles, songs and our almost roommate experience.
Your beautiful light is so strong. I am so grateful for your presence and inspiration and sisterhood in my life.
Infinite Blessings and Love,
~Kat
Dearest Sweet Nancy,
What a blessing, and beautiful light you have been in my life. I'm so grateful to have had a chance to spend some really precious time with you, and to have gone thru some delightful and powerful adventures together. There are so many people who's lives you've touched and who surround you, that it's a special privilege to call you "friend".
I think, of all your attributes (including natural beauty, grace, quiet power, and an instinctive graciousness to name just a few) it's your aquarian expansiveness and passion for community that has inspired me most. You have done SO MUCH to pull so many people together. You have cared so deeply about the world and all it's creatures. You have spread radiance wherever you've walked.
So, Dear friend, Dear Nancy .... I know that you will keep walking your path in grace, beauty, and love. You are still leading the way.
With so much love to you,
Lani
Nancy dwells in my consciousness as a beautiful human being. Our life paths crossed for only a moment in time but in that very cool moment there was a heartfelt resonance that was deep and enduring.....
Dear Friends of Nancy,
Are there others joining in spiritual circle of meditation and prayer? If you feel to, please join Laura and me, in the mornings.
A prayer to share flowed forth after reading Nancy's last entry. Some of the words are more personalized, some more universalized. Share your own in the divine circle of heart felt prayer and intention.
Laura Sewall (Maine) and I (Liz Faller/ Prescott, AZ, lfaller@prescott.edu, will join tomorrow morning in prayer/meditation beginning with the prayer below. We will continue in following mornings, until guided to shift. For now, 6AM PST, 7AM MST, 9AM EST, but really it could be anytime.
If there are other open prayer and/or meditation circles for Nancy underway, please let us know, so we can join in through the spiritual ethers.
In Eternal Love and Light- Liz
Dear Nancy and your Circle of Love and Light,
Yes, I am one that wants to be with you
And so I remind myself to be with you
I am one that wants to gaze into your gorgeous, radiant eyes
And so I do
As I feel the pure path between Us, I pray for Guidance
And so it is
May we join in a circle of Divine Union, Love, and Light
Together, we return to the Source, our Heart Homes
And hold hands, sitting quietly with Beloved Nancy
Our breath synchronizes and we all let go, together, now
let go of the issues that are losing significance
let go of the energy that is diminishing
we share and give with open hearts, fully, totally
our Love is Infinite and unbounded
We release life, self, and open to all that is Beyond
Sensations of relaxation wash through and over our temporal bodies
Warm, mountain fresh waters flow, cleansing and purifying
Muscles soften, everything softens, softening with each exhale
We give way to the fast and furious crash course
As Life falls apart, we can see through the brokenness,
into what was once hidden
and now shines through
Satya, Truth, stands naked before us
A most beautiful, gentle, loving, forgiving Truth
That walks with us now every step
Every moment is sacred, Life is more and more Precious
We walk to the river together with flowers, incense, a bell
Singing our chants to Brahma,
We pray with each flower released to the river
We pray with tears cascading into the moving water
We pray for Nancy, ourselves, each other, and all beings
We pray for complete and total forgiveness
We pray to whoever will listen.
We listen for who might be listening
And we wonder
And wonder…..for a journey we cannot know until it is our time
Nancy, may we walk with you to the doorway
As far as we are possibly able to go
And only then
Will we let go………
And So it is…….
dearest friend Nancy,
i am so awed by your loving presence in the words and the pictures you share. you are so beautiful!
spring now bites at my heels and calls me out to our garden -- our mutual garden of beauty and wonder. i still selfishly hope to spend some quiet spring garden time with you, being your hands and dreams. please know, most importantly, that you are in my everyday tho'ts and prayers.
i cried tears of joy when the invitation to gather as the lovers we are and pretend to be came. your famous lover's party will remain my best favorite yearly event. i know you will be in our midst laughing, gafawing, snickering and applauding as we parade for each other in celebration of your birthday. i am hoping (again that selfish little wench) that you will be able to be really with us in the flesh. still, i trust that you will do what is really best for you.
i love you and admire you so very much Nancy. i carry you in my heart and prayers as you traverse your incredible journey. i know it is not an easy one and yet you face it with such courage and presence. so you continue as a teacher and a remarkable friend. thank you for your loving presence here. i look forward to however and whenever our paths will connect.
deep love and blessings
hugs and cheers, in the midst of it all,
Judith
Happy Birthday, dear one. I pray that you have the time you need to experience the things that are important to you now. I appreciate so much your writings about your experiences--letting us see into your world, giving us a glimpse into how you are being with some of the biggest, yet simplest questions in life--like what do I value now? Does what I value need to be revised for the place I am at now in life? I ask myself this question--inspired by your journey and your writings.
The photos here on this blog are amazing. Your soul shines through. Grace and Grit says it all. I love you and value your friendship.
Our friend Nancy is leaving us.
Or at least that’s what she says.
We won’t know for sure until she’s really gone.
‘Course, we’re all gonna be leaving sometime, so in a way it’s no surprise.
It’s just way too soon.
We’re not done playing with her yet.
We’re not done laughing or feasting or hiking or singing or dancing or gardening or gathering or drumming or processing or hugging or sunning or lighting candles or praying … or loving or loving or loving her.
The last time we visited, she got that gorgeous grin on her face and said,
“Who knows, maybe I’m the lucky one?”
Maybe you are, Nance. As if luck has anything to do with it - ha!
We’re all lucky really, to have known you and to be on this journey with you now. We’re lucky that we each have a little piece of you in our hearts, tucked away for some time down the road when we might feel a little blue and need something sweet to make us feel better, and we’ll be able to draw out the nectar memory of your beauty, of your gentleness, of your unwavering truth, of your courage, of your grace. And when our sadness at your departure has lessened, it’ll make us feel good and warm, deep inside our hearts.
Nancy, you’ve given us all an incredible gift, by reminding us how precious your life is and how precious our lives are and how precious Life has always been. Thankyouthankyouthankyou sweet sister for the reminder.
Early morning dewdrops,
rainbows,
crashing waves,
snow flurries,
warm sun on bare shoulders,
tomatoes dehydrating in the sun,
glowing faces in circles,
a soft drumbeat as silence divinely descends.
May we never, ever forget.
You have touched each and every one of us so deeply.
Woman, daughter, grand-daughter, mother, lover, friend,
sister, teacher, playmate, partner, family, ancestor.
And now you are becoming Angel.
Ouch, it kindof hurts to say that.
We’ll go on loving you forever anyway, no matter where you are.
Thankyouthankyouthankyou beloved Nancy.
Dear Nancy,
Sending blessing and good juju from the wilds of Big Sur.
Dawn
As I awake in the dark to meditate,my thoughts journey to you around life and death. The veils between spirit and life are the thinnest in the darkest moments before dawn.
Sitting in quite contemplation.
Breath exhale pause empty.
The precious present in the here of now.
Tides of darkness are ebbing as pools of blackness turn slowly grey like restless spirits returning home.
Into the light I see you walk the the birds singing their morning chorus to the new day, voicing their presence with songs of beauty.
Like them, smudge women moves in ceremony as she brings light to the darkness , transforming heaviness into lightness. Encouraging us to walk out talk with the spirit of the medicine.
Fear loosens it's grip as she walks by with her shell feathers and smoke. Prospects of better possibilities come into focus.
I feel her asking, what are you going to do with your time here? How can you make this a better place?
The dawn of a new day has begun leaving me with questions.
Will I embrace gratitude or anger, happiness or or sadness, surrender or struggle, forgiveness or bitterness, stay or go.
What to do?
How do I respond?
A cross road that waits ahead for us all.
Life is not always fair or black and white.
Gray is the color of dawn where these lessons are learned.
Blessings on your sacred road Nancy.
You light the path where we all will follow.
I love and honor you.
.
Walk our talk with the spirit of the medicine.
This is a re-posting of a poem dated originally on february 11th. Re-posting with current revision.
WHAT BEYOND THIS
beyond time i wander
beyond wonder i mark time
beyond the mark at the threshold
i tremble in awe
of what is to come
for you
for me
for us
each on a life and death
ad-venture
how is it that what seems
temporal and ordinary
is truly eternal and sacred
and what is eternal
and all around us
in every breath
seems to be distant
and somehow separate
from what is intricately connected
in and thru each of us and
all our relations
why
such a luminous bridging now
of what might have continued
to be on a far horizon
how could it be that
this time out of time
feels so peculiar and strange
uninvited
even as it feels attractive
and ever-present
wanting to change it
shift it
re-make the making
let's take yet another walk
thru your garden
of sweet strawberry beds
potato cages and
trellises that support
this moment of perplexity
worm bins and tubes
all so teaming with life
reflecting your life
your energy
lived
given and nurtured
so abundantly
delight felt in each harvest
now feeling the harvest of
your life
your life grown
so full and juicy
brimming with expectation
for the growth that is becoming
growth now
not just in seed's magic
yet in the luminescent veil of
the place beyond all familiar forms
into the formless wonder of spirit's return
next
like the everyday
presence and absence of my wild Iris Mama
I'll breath you in
in my garden
of learning and tending
i'll drink you in the flow of water
slipping gently thru my flesh
i'll tamp you in the soil
with seeds of heartfelt tho't
you gave with such delight
in each new idea you birthed
i'll recognize you in the turning
reincarnation and transformation of
energy of each shovel's turn thru compost fodder
i'll label more carefully and tend seed saving
with your name on the canister of my heart
and i'll remember with gratitude all-ways
what you showed me of your way
of loving what is
+++++++++++++++++++++
<3
Hearts!
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